It has been over 7 weeks since social distancing became the norm for many people in Canada and even longer around different parts of the world. People have relocated to home offices, some continue to head into work as essential workers and front line staff. Many are facing financial hardship, unemployment and business uncertainties. The entire news hour appears devoted to following covid-19 and related stories. It’s everywhere. It’s consuming. It’s real.
Throughout the time of social distancing people can experience a wave of different emotions. There is a very clear dichotomy that appears to be to be present for many people. They feel grateful for certain things, and a higher level of stress for others simultaneously.
Walking the middle path is a technique that is part of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. I am not an expert on the matter but have had some training on it and feel this particular concept is helpful in times like this. It is when thoughts move from “Either/or” to “Both/and”. This allows for more than one viewpoint to be possible. For instance, it is possible to feel stuck at home and antsy, AND grateful for the opportunity to slow down, spend time with kids, enjoy hobbies (old and new), catch up on domestic to do lists etc. Furthermore it’s possible to be BOTH grateful for the time at home with your children, AND also be desperately looking forward to the day they go back to school and childcare. It’s not all positive OR negative emotions, it’s about accepting and acknowledging both.
When walking the middle path and acknowledging the two realities that are being endured I encourage you to appreciate the negative, acknowledge it, and then focus on the positive. This takes work, especially for those that have been in negative “thinking traps” (aka habits) for a long time. It takes a lot of effort for some to try to let go of the pieces of life that typically feel well controlled. It takes practice to move from negative to positive. And it is small steps that get us there, not giant leaps. This is where deep breathing and gratitude can help to change mood.
There is no better time to start a gratitude practice than now. If you are like me, you are returning to it after a long hiatus as a way to promote positive thoughts. I need the reminder that there is beauty in the chaos. It’s a simple as 3 minutes (or less) a day. In the morning whenever you get up, write down or say audibly 3 things you are grateful for. It can be as simple as a warm cup of coffee (warm sip if you have small busy children), being thankful for the pillow that lay under your head the night before, being able to feel the sun through a window etc. It is possible to be grateful that you didn’t stub your toe on the bedpost, or lost your cool on your spouse or children for a day… you get the drift. Finish the practice with something you trust and look forward to. Do that daily and bam… you are practicing gratitude.
A gratitude practice creates a neurological shift in the brain. When we start the day with a positive reflection on things we are grateful for, we are more likely to see things that we are grateful for and appreciate throughout the day. This shift does not happen over night. It takes a period of practice. So if you’ve been in a negative space for a long time, don’t be discouraged if you try this and it isn’t successful immediately. A brain’s neurological pathways when repeated over and over become stronger and stronger, which means it takes longer to create new ones to replace those old ones. The good news is, change is possible, and happens all the time. It’s happening right now, while you read this post. And with that I will end with a message of thanks. Thanks for reading these posts, thanks for practicing deep breathing, thanks for caring about yourself and those around you. Thanks for acknowledging the bad days and still getting up for the ones that follow. You’re the reason I write, and practice, and do all this. You got this!
Take good care,
Jen
Jennifer Nunes 